Wise Words of Johnny Depp

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn't have fallen for the second."

Rape: The All American Crime

"According to the male mythology which defines and perpetuates rape, it is an animal instinct inherent in the male. The story goes that sometime in our pre-historical past, the male, more hirsute and burly than today's counterparts, roamed about an uncivilized landscape until he found a desirable female. (Oddly enough, this female is not pictured as more muscular than the modern woman). Her mate does not bother with courtship. He simply grabs her by the hair and drags her to the closest cave. Presumably, one of the major advances of modern civilization for the female has been the civilizing of the male. We call it chivalry.

But women do not get chivalry for free. According to the logic of sexual politics, we have to civilize our behavior. (Enter chastity, enter virginity, enter monogamy). Chivalrous b

ehavior in the male is supposed to protect that chastity from involuntary defilement. The fly in the ointment of this otherwise peaceful system is the fallen woman. She does not behave. And therefore she does not deserve protection. One begins to suspect that it is the behavior of the fallen woman, and not that of the male, that civilization aims to control.

The assumption that a woman who does not respect the double standard deserves whatever she gets operates in the courts today. While in some states a man's previous rape convictions are not considered admissible evidence, the sexual reputation of the rape victim is considered a crucial element of the facts upon which the court must decide innocence or guilt...

One should not assume, however, that a woman can avoid the possibility of rape simply by behaving. Though myth would have it that mainly 'bad girls' are raped, this theory has no basis in fact. Available statistics would leave one to believe that a safer course is promiscuity. In a study of rape done by the District of Columbia, it was found that 82% of rape victims had a 'good reputation.'

Rape is an act of aggression in which the victim is denied her self-determination. It is an act of violence which, if not actually followed by beatings or murder, nevertheless always carries with it the threat of death. And finally, rape is a form of mass terrorism, for the victims of rape are chosen indiscriminately, but the propagandists for male supremacy broadcast that it is women who cause rape by being unchaste or in the wrong place at the wrong time- in essence, by behaving as though they were free...The fear of rape keeps women off the streets at night. It keeps women at home. It keeps women passive and modest for fear that they be thought provocative."

-Susan Griffin (1971)

The Fidgety Stage

I'm in the fidgety stage.

In case you don't know, the fidgety stage is that stage where the countdown reaches single digits, and my mind wanders easily to images of the sun rising over the Atlantic and all those sixteenth century buildings looming over me. I wake up thinking that I've dreamed of the warm breeze in my face as the train approaches. I can't focus on anything without getting distracted by endless lists of things to do and bring. And of course, I panic about plane crashes. Always.

Anyway, my point is: I love the fidgety stage.

The Mercy Papers

I'm reading a stunning memoir right now by Robin Romm, which describes the final three weeks of her mother's life before she succumbed to breast cancer in 2004. It was named a top ten non-fiction book by Entertainment Weekly, and was also named a Notable Book of the Year by The New York Times. Although it may not be the most positive and uplifting story, it has opened my eyes and made me realize how cancer impacts a family at the most personal level.

"And then there is this fact, too- a fact I can't decipher. My mother told me that she asked my father to list the things he will miss about her when she is gone. My father refused to answer.

'

Why?' She asked

'Jackie, stop.' He said...

I can imagine what my mother wants him to say. She wants him to remember the big red tent they had on their honeymoon, the one with the shaded porch and walls for different rooms. She wants him to remember her sleeping in the sun on a grassy Swiss hillside. The sunburn she got in Mexico. She wants him to say he will miss the dinners, the salads with cucumbers, scallions, and tomatoes cut into wedges and the way she became irritated deveining shrimp. She wants him to remember her twenty year old skin, unblemished from surgeries and needles. The warm days after I was born and they felt like they were the only ones in the world that ever created a baby. She wants a catalog of trips they took, the daily comedies...The are a million moments that will end the day she dies and she wants this acknowledged. She wants him to imagine the empty bed. And she wants him to appreciate that it's not yet empty. But my father cannot meet her there, no matter how much she asks, cries, balls her fists. 'Why do you have to keep on with this?' he says."

For a better book review: http://arjunpuri.wordpress.com/2009/01/03/32/

Obituaries (yes it's a strange topic)

I know this sounds rather morbid, but I enjoy reading the obituaries. I think there's something fascinating about the way entire life stories are condensed into a few small paragraphs. It's always done with such factual and rather mundane information: Birth, education, career, marriage, family, funeral information...and for a little extra money you can even place a picture of the deceased, which is usually a portrait taken in the seventh to eighth decade of their life.

After reading so many of these, the stories tend to blur together, and the people in the obituaries just don't seem very memorable, despite the fact that they've probably lived unforgettable lives.

I wish that there were more obituaries that left legacies behind. Legacies stand out. They don't blur together with other stories, and they aren't easily forgettable. They remind us of the significance of our short time here, and renew our passion for pursuing our dreams and happiness.

A legacy would tell the most remarkable and personal story of that persons time on earth, and would be accompanied by a photo highlighting a major life event for them- perhaps their wedding or the first time they held their child, or maybe when they went on an amazing vacation to Italy post-retirement

It just makes sense to me, but that's my personal preference.

I mean, if I had a moment like this, I'd want that story to be remembered rather than the name of the high school I attended.